Asking for a critique my radio ad script

Rod73

Rod73

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Hi I'm getting a 15 second spot on a radio station. That will be aired 200 times next month. I am asking for a critique of my lastest draft?

"Most people will never know the true beauty of their vehicles. My name is Rodney Tatum, owner of Mirror Reflections Auto Spa. I offer a detailing service for the customer who places a premium on car care. If you want to take your investment to that next level give me a call at (352)215-9433. Or visit the website at www.mirrorreflectionsautospa.com ."

Your opinions are appreciated, thank you.
 
visit my website*

Unless you're keeping your options open for possible future growth.. Which I understand why you would choose to say "our" or "the" instead of "my"
I know...
 
You may have a reason for wording it the way you did (timing?). But just a couple alternatives to mention:
Instead of saying "I offer a detailing service...", might you instead say "detailing services"?
Also, consider saying "automotive care" instead of "car care"?

"I offer detailing services for the customer who places a premium on automotive care"
 
I like Eldorado's suggestion. Sounds better too.

I would maybe add "specializing in paint correction and polishing" or something to that effect somewhere in your ad. Or maybe specializing in Ceramic coatings. Whatever your specialty is.

I would change the investment to, "If you want to take your car, truck, or motorcycle to the next level". Investment, most people don't treat their car as an investment. Or change investment to vehicle.

I think your ad would work well as is too. Let us hear the finished product when it airs on the radio.

Thanks for letting us help, or try anyways.
 
I'm really liking all of the suggestions right now! Thank you!
 
One more suggestion, maybe try and get one more "Mirror Reflections Auto Spa" lines in there.

Make them remember your business's name. Good name BTW.
 
I like what Harpolith suggested, except for the word "automotive"... I'd stick with "car care" because automotive starts to sound like you're a mechanic. Car care, well think about it.. I'll flat out admit I know nothing about how to be a mechanic, and last thing I need is a customer thinking they can come to me and also get their brakes fixed. Lol.

I clean your car, lady. I don't fix nothin! Lol.
 
"Most people will never know the true beauty of their vehicles. My name is Rodney Tatum, owner of Mirror Reflections Auto Spa. Specializing in paint polishing, Mirror Reflections Auto Spa offers detailing services for the customer who places a premium on car care. If you want to take your vehicle to that next level give me a call at (352)215-9433. Or visit my website at www.mirrorreflectionsautospa.com."


I wanted to say 'paint correction' but I used the words 'paint polishing' to make sure the customer understands what I am communicating.
 
Keep it simple.Take pride in your ride ! Call Rodney at mirror reflection auto detailing today and receive a 10 percent discount saving ,or visit our web at www.mirror reflection detailing.Ditch auto spa believe me there are people who don't know what spa has to do with cars.for a incentive to bring in business it's either a discount or the 4 letter word free.if you can mention your experience in the the radio add that may help.And don't use your last name.Good luck
 
Pinpoints are crucial within 15 seconds.Take your time maybe the radio advertisement dept can clean it up for you.If you were mobile that would change the whole dynamics,people are lazy and don't want to be inconvenient with there time.
 
Rod73 said:
"Most people will never know the true beauty of their vehicles. My name is Rodney Tatum, owner of Mirror Reflections Auto Spa. Specializing in paint polishing, Mirror Reflections Auto Spa offers detailing services for the customer who places a premium on car care. If you want to take your vehicle to that next level give me a call at (352)215-9433. Or visit my website at www.mirrorreflectionsautospa.com."


I wanted to say 'paint correction' but I used the words 'paint polishing' to make sure the customer understands what I am communicating.
Click to expand...


Personally, I would remove paint polishing. IMO it's too specific and technical. Even non-car people generally understand detailing services. The idea with radio ads and I have called on a few too, is to get them to hear something that is easy to remember. Has to be REALLY EASY as the moment your 12 seconds is over they are going to get hit with life again.

IMO the key points are you are a place to get my car detailed both "inside and out" (I think that's key) as many people like mothers likely value the INSIDE more than the outside and thus remember that part of your ad. They sit in it and see it. The outside they forget more easily. Enthusiasts, however, the opposite is true and they will likely grab onto the phrase "take it to the next level" Lastly, you want them to remember the business name.

No doubt ph#'s on radio are necessary but unless it's super catchy like 800-car-shine or something they will have to consciously wait to write it down next time and that dramatically drops the likelihood they will. Today, just about everyone just needs a business name and will google it. Yours is specific enough to remember but just keep in mind to back up this radio ad with some online ad-click advertising as once they google you they will get results of others in your area too.

Good luck!


Here's my two cents worth of input: I've italicised the words to place a slight emphasis on.


Most people will never know the true beauty of their vehicles. My name is Rodney Tatum, owner of Mirror Reflections Auto Spa. Specializing in automotive detailing services. If you place a premium on how your vehicle looks both inside and out and want to take it to the next level call me at (352) 215-9433 or visit my website at mirror reflections autospa dot com (go slower and emphasize the three words in the business name)
 
I like some of the things GSKR mentioned.^ But I think you should keep your last name in the commercial.. Otherwise, if you just state your 1st name the customer might get a negative vibe. Such as, ok I'm supposed to trust this guy with what? Rodney who? Why is he talking like I'm supposed to know him?

State your full name like you planned.. It makes you look like you've got nothing to hide + it sounds official and proper. You can go by 1 name when you've made it.

Another suggestion: Change "vehicles" to "vehicle"... You're looking to start off with a new level of reach with this new advertisement, but it doesn't exactly mean people are instantly going to flock to you so hard that they're thinking "vehicles"

They're gonna give you a shot with 1 of there vehicles to test you out, then maybe we'll start talking "vehicles" All you gotta do is lure them in 1 by 1 and let your quality and work set you apart... Like fishing for guppies before you start reeling em in like big fish status. Good luck!
 
1 more thing: There's no better time than now to invest in a new wardrobe.. I don't mean nothing fancy of course, I just mean you should be dressed to impress when your new batch of customers meet you for the 1st time. I don't care if all you wear is white T shirts when you detail cars.. Go buy yourself a whole brand new set of them so you're looking spankin every single day you're working. 1st impressions go a long way.. And if you're lookin brand new your new customers will remember and spread the word to their friends with confidence because you look legit.
 
Eldorado2k said:
1 more thing: There's no better time than now to get yourself a new wardrobe.. I don't mean nothing fancy of course, I just mean you should be dressed to impress when your new batch of customers meet you for the 1st time. I don't care if all you wear is white T shirts when you detail cars.. Go buy yourself a whole brand new set of them so you're looking spankin every single day you're working. 1st impressions go a long way.. And if you're lookin brand new your new customers will remember and spread the word to their friends with confidence because you look legit.
Click to expand...
very true first impression is everything.for me my van is my first impression,they see and say this guy knows his craft.very first thing they say is wow! .They ask more questions on the woodwork set up and every bottle is positioned so precise.All trigger sprayers are line up at 2:00 .All griots red bottles are stacked together labels facing out.I get more jobs from that van alone.Every Sunday van gets washed and all bottles are wiped down organized is key.
 
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