Been struggling guys

Jeremy1976

Jeremy1976

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This time of the year is hard for me. My dad who was a USMC Vietnam Combat Veteran and recipient of 3 Purple Hearts, took his life March 19th 2010. Coming up on 7 years this year. The pain doesn't seem to get any easier.

Everytime this year I relive the last couple of weeks and days of his life. Some of the hardest I ever lived. His first suicide attempt was when I was 11. He called me and told me he was taking his life because of me. I carried that around for many years. At one point it was consuming me. I realized my dad was sick and let that demon go.

His fourth and final attempt was successful where he shot himself in a shed in my parents backyard. He struggled terribly with PTSD and other mental illness.

I grew up that day at age 11 and my childhood ended at that time. I took it upon myself to be the man of the house and take care of my mom and sister. He was institutionalized in a VA hospital for 8 months after that attempt.

Sorry if this is pretty deep for the forum guys. I just needed a place to put my emotions. My head is a mess and I am focusing on my beautiful kids and wife to get me through. They are my light and hope.

I think of a lot of you as brothers and family. Even though we have not met in person. Thanks for reading and keep my family and myself in your prayers. It's always hard for me to ask for help. I'm not built that way.

Thanks.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your loss and the upcoming time of year that brings out your emotions and feelings. I really don't know what else to say, however, you will prevail and deal with this loss. Keep your loved ones close and you will be OK.

Again, my thoughts go out to you and your family.

Regards,
Scott
 
Although I'm deeply sorry to hear your pain Jeremy, I do not think this post is too deep for the forum.

I feel a brotherhood with all of my forum members as well. Your sadness is understandable. That is a BIG responsibility for a young man to take on.

But, as far I can tell you took that responsibility and ran with it. I have seen the pics of you and your beautiful wife and kids and how much you love them.

I can speak of some horrors in my past, (some very similar to yours) and all I can say on this upcoming anniversary is that you have become a super hero.

Super hero you say?

Yes, a super hero for overcoming your pain to take care of your family after your dad was gone, and certainly a super hero to your wife & kids.

I think I can speak for a lot of guys/girls on here that you are a valued member, and we are all behind you 100% brother.
 
Jeremy,

I'm new to the forum, but not new to life haha.

Just know that our prayers are coming your way.

Also, work hard to focus on the good things and it will help, live in the moment and not in the past.

All good thoughts coming your way!

AJ
 
Jeremy try to keep pushing man and do stuff to try to get off ur mind, ill keep my prayers ur way brother.
I think we all face inside demons and never try to let anyone really know whats going on or don't want to hurt anyone.
Don't think any of it was ur fault.
 
I'm so sorry J. Instances like this will never get "easier", but having a solid support group does help. Also being able to talk (like here on AGO) about it helps as well. It'll be three years this May that my son passed away and it's something I never would've thought I could live through, but having my family and friends most definitely helps ease the pain. Every single day we have is a blessing.
 
Veteran suicide is an epidemic. There is an average of 20 deaths a day by Veterans committing suicide and very little is being done to prevent it. Lip service is given by the Veterans Administration to addressing the issue. At my closest VA Hospital there is currently one psychiatrist on staff out of the eight that are authorized. The hiring system was broken and now Trump has made it worse by instituting a Federal hiring freeze that includes VA hospitals. The VA has cut back the number of visits a Veteran can receive and the amount of time you are allowed to talk to your psychiatrist.

My prayers are with you and for the 20 families a day that lose a loved one. Please put pressure on your elected officials to exempt the VA from the Federal hiring freeze so more Veterans and their families can be rescued from the horror and sadness of suicide.
 
Fellow Marine here but not anywhere near the caliber of your dad! Wow, that must have been really hard for him! I thank him for what he did and suffered for this country! What was his name? I know it's been a few years but I'll post it over on my old companies FB page and we will all celebrate such a great Devil Dog. I have no words to help you with YOUR pain and that was really bad of him to put that on you! I can't imagine that pain. Semper Fi to him and your whole family!!! You've been through a lot. This will eventually get better enough that you can deal with it better! Celebrate him on the Marine Corps Birthday every year maybe that will help (I hope not make it worse) November 10th. Again, very sorry for your loss.
(Former)Cpl. Don Johnson.
 
I'm at a complete loss for words...

So I'll just say I'm sorry.
 
Jeremy,

You have tons of inner strength for posting this, and I am sorry for your pain. My Dad too was a Vietnam Vet and I lost him 2 years ago. You said it right - the pain never goes away. Because you feel pain means that you cared about your Dad and loved him no matter what. It's perfectly normal to give him extra thought each time this year - don't fight that. Tonight give your wife and kids an extra special squeeze knowing you are all together for each other.

Chin up my friend,
ScottH
 
Jeremy:

I too am a Nam combat vet, 2 years. Anniversaries of a death are tough. You know there are therapists and other vets at your local VA offices who can help and support you through these times. There is also a 24 hour national phone line you can call (800-273-8255, Press 1). Vet organizations local to you are available too such as the VFW, American Legion, Disabled American Vets, Purple Heart groups, and nonprofit groups for families of deceased vets. There are also Veterans Service Officers connected to county governments who are a good resource. Don't hesitate to reach out, you don't have to be alone in this turmoil. Do it for your own well being and for your family.

Joe
 
Jeremy-- I'll never say I know how someone feels and offer comfort from that perspective. But I do know you're not alone in your suffering. We just lost my 95 year old grandma a few weeks ago. She grew up in poverty in Italy, was forced to manual labor at a very young age by an alcoholic father, and a majority of her "growing up" years were consumed by WW2. She saw and experienced the unimaginable. And that pain was alive and present when she passed on Feb. 18, 2017. In between, the happiness and comfort she brought to others in her long life was immeasurable, although she could be very hard on the people she loved most. I won't beat around the bush and say "time heals all". It doesn't always. But we learn to live with the tough stuff. That process is hard. Real hard. The process is as individual and unique as each one of us. And you're doing it right. Hug your family, share with your family, and let them guide you. You're in this together. This I do know-- your perspective will change. And you will, too.
 
Jeremy,

Please accept the following as my
prayer...that you continue along
the Godly-path of Faith and Hope.

Yes, it is sometimes an arduous
journey; but, I bring you glad
tidings of Great Joy, as follows:


I've read the last page of the Bible;
and, for those that truly believe:
It's all going to turn out alright.



Bob
 
Jeremy,

You are a brave man to share this story with us. You like your dad are a hero, your dad made the choice to defend this country and our freedom. Something that many people understand is it is not only hard for the members that serve but the families of those that serve. They go through so much living with the pain of loosing someone not always how you have lost but the person they once loved does that always come back from war. The family has to live with that new person who's different and changed.

I don't tell people this but I am also a veteran, I've served 5 overseas tours, I don't normally disclose this because I was fortunate enough to come back to my family and for the most part am still the same person that left when I came back. I still have issues but they are nothing compared to so many of our veterans and my brothers and sister in arms. I've lost to many brothers to suicide and everyday I am Thankful for what I have and that I was always able to come home.

Jeremy this forum is a more then just an advice site for tips and tricks, it is a family and a brotherhood. I come on hear everyday to not only learn and help, but also joke and bond with my fellow detailer and friends. So many members are more then just forum now.

If there is ever a time when you just need to talk to someone because things are just to hard you can always reach out tomorrow only myself but I know most anyone else In this forum will more then willing to lend a shoulder to lean on or a open ear to listen to you and help you through whatever it is you are going through.

Stay strong my friend and I thank you and your family for the sacrifices that all of you have made to ensure we love the lives we enjoy today and the freedoms we have.

I was once told by an E7 "only 2 people have ever given their life for you. God and the american solider"

semper fi and God bless

Sent from my Pixel using Autogeekonline mobile app
 
Don't ever feel sorry for reaching out. If this is the place you feel comfortable reaching out and venting, do it. We are here for you, and many of us will help in more ways than just listen if that's what is needed. Sometimes just someone to be there and listen is what is needed most.
 
Jeremy, it's been said earlier and the point is true, yes it's hard to come here and post this but NO, it's not too deep for the forum IMO.

When I lost my Dad over 10 years ago I was a regular on a different forum and posted about my Dads passing and it helped me out A lot because I was able to just put it out there and read what people had to say, it was a Godsend for me personally.

You are in everyones thoughts and prayers and like you said, you have your wife and kids and THAT is a blessing from God right there!

Sent from my LGLS990 using Tapatalk
 
I cannot imagine being in combat day after day. Veterans since the American Revolution to modern Afghanistan/Iraq have my respect. To repeatedly face death and the worst of humanity cannot leave you the same person you were prior to enter war.

I am sorry that you lost your dad. Sounds like he suffered deeply, as did you and your family. Your dad probably saw things that no person should ever see.

Vietnam Vets were treated so poorly by parts of society, it was unfair to come home to that. This certainly didn't help your dad. We all owe your father and all Veterans a debt of gratitude for their service.
 
Cruzscarwash said:
Jeremy,

You are a brave man to share this story with us. You like your dad are a hero, your dad made the choice to defend this country and our freedom. Something that many people understand is it is not only hard for the members that serve but the families of those that serve. They go through so much living with the pain of loosing someone not always how you have lost but the person they once loved does that always come back from war. The family has to live with that new person who's different and changed.

I don't tell people this but I am also a veteran, I've served 5 overseas tours, I don't normally disclose this because I was fortunate enough to come back to my family and for the most part am still the same person that left when I came back. I still have issues but they are nothing compared to so many of our veterans and my brothers and sister in arms. I've lost to many brothers to suicide and everyday I am Thankful for what I have and that I was always able to come home.

Jeremy this forum is a more then just an advice site for tips and tricks, it is a family and a brotherhood. I come on hear everyday to not only learn and help, but also joke and bond with my fellow detailer and friends. So many members are more then just forum now.

If there is ever a time when you just need to talk to someone because things are just to hard you can always reach out tomorrow only myself but I know most anyone else In this forum will more then willing to lend a shoulder to lean on or a open ear to listen to you and help you through whatever it is you are going through.

Stay strong my friend and I thank you and your family for the sacrifices that all of you have made to ensure we love the lives we enjoy today and the freedoms we have.

I was once told by an E7 "only 2 people have ever given their life for you. God and the american solider"

semper fi and God bless

Sent from my Pixel using Autogeekonline mobile app
Click to expand...

Thank you for your 5 tours of service.
 
Jeremy,

This Forum is more than just a forum, we are family & we are here for you. Thank you for having the courage to share your story with us, & hey - its okay to not be okay. Both yourself & your Dad are heroes for sure, I may be on the other side of the world & not really affiliated with anyone in the services but we are on the same side, & as an alli I thank you Father & all the service Men & Women, & their families around the world for their sacrifice.

One day at a time Jeremy, your strength is in your family . . . all of us. Stand tall brother.

Aaryn NZ.
 
Wow. I am overwhelmed this morning at the comments and support from all of you! Thank you so much!

A little history on my dads service. He fought in the bloodiest battle of Vietnam. It was 1968 Tet Offensive in Hue City. That battle went down in the history books and I read the book "The Battle Of Hue" that my father had given me years ago. His Company is mentioned numerous times in the book and pictures of him and other Grunts along with his Captain, Captain Christmas.

No matter how my dad was treating me I always had the utmost respect for him and the sacrifices he made for this great Nation. There were times he was not talking to me around Veterans Day and I would still always get him a card telling him how proud I was of him and that I loved him! Now every year I leave a card at his headstone in the cemetery.

Life seems to bring us all clarity. My dad suffered with an extreme case of PTSD. I now know a bit of how that is. I too have been diagnosed with and suffer from it daily due to childhood trauma, and also from doing unimaginable things out in the shed the day after my my dad shot himself in the head. I'd rather not get into it, but I am sure you all can imagine. I didn't want my mom seeing that.

About a year after his death, to survive, I felt I had to give back and help others. This was after 9 months of isolating myself from the outside world. Thank God I did not have kids at that time. Lowest point in my life and wouldnt have wanted them to see me like that. So I got involved in suicide prevention and mental illness awareness. I currently sit on the board for Prevent Suicide Manitowoc, and also was one of the founders of Stepping Stones Suicide Support Group. A group designed and started for the survivors that are left behind. I find comfort in helping others. It was my way of survival. I plan on continuing this journey until the day I no longer walk this earth.

I am good at giving advice and helping others with grief and dealing with suicide due to my own struggles and healing that I have made. I also am aware and am guilty of not following my own advice and the words and help I give to others. Something I need to work more on. As I always say, I am a work in progress. My family is my life! I am grateful everyday for them! Not sure I would still be around if they were not in my life.

Detailing has given me a sense of peace and relaxation. It too has also been a huge part of my healing. It is something I am so passionate about and relax and occupy my mind when I am working on a job. My garage/shop is set up so nice now it is enjoyable to go out there and relax and unwind.

I read every word of every post on here and noticed some of you have lost loved ones. Some very recent. You all have my sincerest heartfelt condolences. Life sure can be tough.

Happy Friday and enjoy the weekend!

Thanks for reading!
 
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