I like a clean looking car in general and would do reasonable cleaning when its merited but not act like the car owns you instead of the other way around.
Some people go way overboard with their car detailing obsession without realizing we don't live in a sanitized bio dome.
I realize you're somewhat joking, but I'll still post my thoughts on a couple of things you mentioned.. As far as the car owning you and not the other way around? I think that label is best used to describe things or responsibilities that one doesn't like, or feels obligated to do against their true desires.. I.E. an overly obsessed girlfriend who requires you to text her when you get home safely.. Or a crazy cat lady who has 5 cats, but is so paranoid they might run away if she's not around to keep the doors and windows closed, so she can't even take a vacation or go on a honeymoon because she's basically on house arrest thanks to those cats..
Crazy things like that are what I consider it owning you and not the other way around.. No one enjoys having a psycho gf who requires you to check in every hour..
On the other hand, the kind of people on this forum that you speak of [the obsessed detailer, car enthusiast] actually enjoys every aspect of detailing. We enjoy buying new products, trying them out, we get personal satisfaction with how our vehicles look thanks to our expertise and dedication towards maintaining our cars at a higher level than the average person.. Same way a person who loves to tend to their garden and is out there watering their plants nearly everyday even though they're not in any danger of dying if left alone without water for months.. That person tends to his/her garden because it brings them personal satisfaction. They love to do it, and they enjoy the little differences that extra care yields, the same way us overly obsessed detailers/enthusiasts enjoy every last detail that our eyes can see compared to other peoples uncared for vehicles..
It's not an obligation or a chore.. It's something we enjoy to do and get personal satisfaction out of.. A hobby.
And you're right, we don't live in a sanitized bio dome.. But it sure as heck is nice how we can have our cars look like we do at all times when compared to nearly every other car in the parking lot
And getting that compliment every so often from the average Joe, or an attractive nice lady about how sharp and clean our vehicle looks is the cherry on top. Getting unexpected random compliments from strangers makes me smile

You know you love it too.

lol.