Hey Mike, my understanding is that you really shouldn't wash & wax a car when the paint is hot so: is there a temperature or technique (maybe placing a hand on the paint surface for 10 seconds) or something that indicates a surface is too hot to wash & wax?
It's not so much the temperature as it is direct sunlight. It can be 100 degrees and humid outside but you can be under shade washing a car and it will be alright. The average water temperature is probably around 65-70 degrees. This will cool down the paint quickly.
Direct sunlight in very hot humid weather will cause streaking and water spots faster than you can rinse your car.
The paint being hot will affect how some products work. Always try to work in the shade. I know it's not always possible though. So a wipe on wipe off product would probably be best when it comes to waxing. Also, keeping the car wet will help keep it cool.