Need Some Advice on Partners and Their Jewelry and Stuff
- Thread starter chilly
- Start date
Haha. I had one first/last date where the girl got upset that I threw the movie ticket in the trash after we watched it. Apparently I was supposed to frame it. Lol. Not paint related but I always laugh when remembering that story.
chilly
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- May 13, 2006
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- #24
No disrespect to anyone is intended but this is a prime example
Toss your keys on the antique maple side table in the entry hall or put a frosty glass on the coffee table without a coaster and see what happens
You WILL get a reminder not to do that again
We protect what is important to us and if we forget about what is important to the others in our lives we get reminders
That was all I was trying to say
I kind of knew this might stir things up but I certainly didn't want to offend anyone
Peace
Desertnate
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- Aug 5, 2013
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Yep. I value my relationship with my wife too much to make a battle of it. Especially with her car. It isn't like she is intentionally vandalizing anything. In the end it is only a physical object and not as valuable to me as she is. I just polish out the nail marks on the handle cups best I can and move on.
If something which might damage my car I do bring it up and she does try to remember, but she doesn't think about those issues the same way I do. Likewise, I know there are things I do around the house that drive her nuts too.
dieselfan1
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- Apr 1, 2021
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My wife wears 7-8 rings .
This has always been a sore spot with me as I just bought a new $60,000 truck that she drives.
I know she don't mean to but when I hear the metal hit the paint and I see red.
I've told her to close the door by pushing on the glass .
She needs a refresher course soon. But I have to be nice.
Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk
This has always been a sore spot with me as I just bought a new $60,000 truck that she drives.
I know she don't mean to but when I hear the metal hit the paint and I see red.
I've told her to close the door by pushing on the glass .
She needs a refresher course soon. But I have to be nice.
Sent from my SM-G991U using Tapatalk
chilly
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- May 13, 2006
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- #28
I was sure I wasn't alone in feeling the way I do; but, talking it out with you folks has made me realize I am making a mountain out of a mole hill
She doesn't do it any more consciously than I slurp my coffee
Like others, my knee jerk reaction is to see red and get ready to lash out when it happens; but, in the overall scheme of things this shouldn't even be a blip on my life radar
We have been together since we were 19 and been through a lot with 3 kids and 4 grandkids and if this is the worst thing I have to worry about then my life is good
I just wanted to thank everyone for letting me sound this out and for chiming in with the various points of view
I am done and my sorry for wasting your time
Cheers
Coatingsarecrack
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- Dec 9, 2018
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Try explaining to her that this is your hobby and the time and effort you put into the paint means something to you and how much you would appreciate it if she could just try for your sake.
Flip it on her so she can picture it in her head. If she’s into shoes ask her how she would feel if you just came home from work and just tossed your dirty shoes on top of hers.
If she likes watching tv see how she would feel if you deleted shows on your dvr for a grand child or child.
You do these things not to be careless or insensitive you just weren’t thinking about whats important to her you just weren’t thinking. It puts into perspective that if we care about one another we should be mindful of the things each other cares about.
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Flip it on her so she can picture it in her head. If she’s into shoes ask her how she would feel if you just came home from work and just tossed your dirty shoes on top of hers.
If she likes watching tv see how she would feel if you deleted shows on your dvr for a grand child or child.
You do these things not to be careless or insensitive you just weren’t thinking about whats important to her you just weren’t thinking. It puts into perspective that if we care about one another we should be mindful of the things each other cares about.
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dlc95
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- May 18, 2013
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Her car or yours?
With her truck, she insisted on closing it with her fingers on thr paint. It would always marr and scratch up. She actually got upset when I put a really slick LSP on it, because her fingers would slide, and bend her fingernails back as she shut it.
So I just stopped keeping that section polished or protected. Since the truck is mine now, it's going to be coated in perpetuity! Well, at least sealed or waxed in some way.
However - if it were my car, I would remind her how I honored her wishes, and that I expect she honor mine. She is very conscious about my belongings though. After cooking a load of towels with her cotton towels, and seeing how much money it took to replace them, she never did that again. She actually earned how I dried them, and will dry them for me if I can't get to them for some reason.
She is incredibly understanding though. We've known each other since we were in grade school (5th in 87/88). This spring is our tenth year together. She was just remarking as we were making breakfast how much she vales our open communication. How it was a goal of hers since the beginning.
Life for us is a lot like a continual slumber party interrupted by work.
I'm a pretty lucky man!
With her truck, she insisted on closing it with her fingers on thr paint. It would always marr and scratch up. She actually got upset when I put a really slick LSP on it, because her fingers would slide, and bend her fingernails back as she shut it.
So I just stopped keeping that section polished or protected. Since the truck is mine now, it's going to be coated in perpetuity! Well, at least sealed or waxed in some way.
However - if it were my car, I would remind her how I honored her wishes, and that I expect she honor mine. She is very conscious about my belongings though. After cooking a load of towels with her cotton towels, and seeing how much money it took to replace them, she never did that again. She actually earned how I dried them, and will dry them for me if I can't get to them for some reason.
She is incredibly understanding though. We've known each other since we were in grade school (5th in 87/88). This spring is our tenth year together. She was just remarking as we were making breakfast how much she vales our open communication. How it was a goal of hers since the beginning.
Life for us is a lot like a continual slumber party interrupted by work.
I'm a pretty lucky man!
dlc95
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- May 18, 2013
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Perspective is always good, but so is getting it out.
The fact you came here first, and got it off your chest might make for a gentle, possibly even enlightening conversation about it in the future.
Getting some feed back from understanding ears is crucial for assessment. Don't ever apologize for that.
You also gave onlookers who might be experiencing a similar circumstance a repreve from their course of resentment.
It's a good thing you put this out there.
I call flaws/marks/scratches/dents etc that my family installs on my items "love marks".
They help me remember the installer, and gives my item unique character than no-one else's has.
Like,
"My 2 year old daughter just put a scratch in my fine Galen Leather folio- oh well, every time I see that mark, I'll think of her"
Or,
"My wife dropped my Microsoft Surface pen and broke the tip off, and can't be repaired. Oh well, she was trying to place a grocery pick up order so she could feed me. Now, I can think of her every time I see that useless pen"
Pick your battles. Some of them are not worth fighting.
They help me remember the installer, and gives my item unique character than no-one else's has.
Like,
"My 2 year old daughter just put a scratch in my fine Galen Leather folio- oh well, every time I see that mark, I'll think of her"
Or,
"My wife dropped my Microsoft Surface pen and broke the tip off, and can't be repaired. Oh well, she was trying to place a grocery pick up order so she could feed me. Now, I can think of her every time I see that useless pen"
Pick your battles. Some of them are not worth fighting.
Desertnate
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- Aug 5, 2013
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So well said!
When my oldest daughter was in Kindergarten she would draw on any piece of paper she could find. In those pre-smart phone days I carried an organizer with my calendar and note pad. You can see where this is going.... Some how that little bugger decorated vast sections of that organizer and I didn't even know it. Initially, I was really angry by having to replace all the sections she drew all over. However, the next day when I went to work and opened it while in a meeting, I could only smile at seeing reminders of her everywhere.
In the end, I kept all the pages and just wrote my appointments and notes around/over the top of her drawings and doodles.
chilly
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- May 13, 2006
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- #34
I have thought long and hard about all the points of view mentioned here and have come to the firm conclusion that even the slightest amount of anger or hurt is uncalled for and unwarranted
In the end it's just a car and not worth the tiniest part of the happiness we have had for the almost 47 years we have been together
I really appreciate everyone's input and point of view, it helped me gain perspective and think this through
Cheers
Rsurfer
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- Jan 26, 2007
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Aloha to Donna:dblthumb2:
I don’t see any problem in calling out your spouse if they’re doing something that you don’t like. There are many cases where I do something around the house that my wife doesn’t like and she tells me about it, I don’t get sensitive or hurt, I just correct it. And if she scratches my car I tell her about it and then I see what we can both do to solve the problem. 30 years of marriage and it’s worked so far, we’re just not sensitive about it because neither of us wanna damage the other persons stuff. Neither of us are making mistakes on purpose, we just handle it.