To all... from Nana, Deb, and of course... me.
THANK YOU ALL, from the bottom of our hearts, for sharing our journey these last four weeks, praying with us, sending your heartfelt good wishes.
I've shared all of your thoughts, kind words, and knowing that you all have been praying for the best outcome with everyone here in our family. While our outcome wasn't what we had hoped... today it's been done, the journey has ended.
Nana, having been married almost 62 years, has had her whole world turned inside out. She and I are now on a *new* journey, with her now living here with us. (
Of course I'm here every day... good thing she likes me.)
I just now... just a few minutes ago... read to her a few responses from this thread,
as well as my first one about Papa Fred, along with ALL the locations you are all in, all over the US, and from around the globe..... all sending best wishes, and heartfelt prayers... and believe me guys..... she smiled from ear to ear. :dblthumb2:
After a day like she's had today... all I can say is I'm humbled.
God Bless You All!
We had a beautiful memorial service (
no casket, he chose cremation). We'd put together something like 75 photos for the slide show, going all the way back to his high school annual, with him on the basketball team (
he was the tallest one) , through his and Nana's early years, shots with him on a caboose as it went by close to his fathers house, the grandchildren being born, weekend craft shows.... all the way up to Christmas Eve here at the house just 7 weeks ago.
I took a whole table full of his woodworking toys and stuff to the chapel. Cars, trucks, trains, plaques, bookends, beautiful scroll saw work, games.... and a few memorable pieces from his days on the railroad, (
like his lantern, and some switch locks). We're also blessed to have a REALLY large... 23rd Psalm that my great great Aunt crocheted out of VERY fine thread (not yarn) when I was a baby that Papa Fred made a 39" x 46" frame for, that was my Mothers.... that we took as well.
It seemed to not only go with the moment, but show just how many different things he's made, and people he's touched through the years.
The service itself only came to show just what kind of man Papa Fred was. To have been retired for over 25 years... yet have over a dozen Railroad workers there, some from hours away, one came from almost Tennessee. Folks from "the class of 48" were there, others from places where he'd go to pick peaches, or pick up pecans from the ground... all of which just further cemented my thoughts in just how fortunate I was to have known him for all these years, but even more so to have him for my Father-In-Law, supporting me, us, our children along the way. ;'(
Debs brother wrote a piece, (
he didn't intend to read) had the pastor read it. Now it wasn't like mine, (
and until he read mine) was a
lot shorter, and seemed more like a biography. He of course thanked everyone for being there, thanked his Father, (
as well as his Mother) and touched on lessons learned throughout his life. Like is father... focusing on the best parts of life.
The note I wrote when I opened this thread.... quite honestly.... was me just being cathartic late at night, thoughts moving from head to fingers as they flowed, and the waterworks flowed as well.
(Note that it was 2:25am when I posted it.)
Honestly... I hadn't thought of it being a eulogy at the time, but after the kind comments.... I expounded on it, refined it a bit, ran it by CarMomma, and it came to be.
With that thought in mind... I read it, then read it again, then re-read it... each time, trying to get through it without tears, and hopefully only minimal voice breaking.
But of course as the good Lord would have it... this morning I woke up with a sore throat, trying to catch the flu, and was PROMPTLY told by Deb that *I* wasn't reading that,
not today. OK... mama wins! I know when to shut up!
Had the pastor read mine as well, which came last, and brought tears, as well as laughter. Which was exactly the thing we needed,
to CELEBRATE the life of our dear friend, dear loved one, beloved Father, devoted husband, and the only Grandfather our 2 children, and her brothers 2 children still had. I wish I could have read it myself, but as we all know... there is always a reason.
(
The pastor was good though, and managed to 'tell the story' pretty close to as I would have, which allowed me to be much more in the moment, enjoying the memories as they were told.)
Thank you all again, and I apologize for not responding earlier, but as you can imagine... this week as been 'trying' (to say the least).
So if you all will indulge me, just this one more time.... below, is the text in its entirety.
*****************************************************
First… I am so blessed to have known Papa Fred for almost 42 years, (we'll be married 39 years this year). He is (was) an amazing quite, soft spoken, hard working, incredibly devoted to all things family... type of man, that I'll always be proud to have called my Father-in-law.
When I think about Papa Fred (as we call him)…. The first thing that comes to mind is *he moved at his own speed*.
And THAT speed… we’ll call it the “Speed of Fred… getting it done”
He never got rattled, never got upset and angry, never raised his voice… EVER!!!
But he always got it done.
I remember back when Deb and I were teenagers, and we had a situation in our relationship and he looked at me and told me I might break up with her *later*, but at THAT point I would not walk away from her.
Of course truth be told... I was scared to death of him, because I was a skinny teenager, and he was 6'3" of hard working, look you in the eye and mean it… railroad worker. I told him then that I had no intention of running away, that she was everything to me.
His speed then, the “Speed of Fred… was get it done”.
Some of you may know, but for those that do not… the 12th of January he got in his car to drive himself to a doctors appointment, he was ‘getting it done’.
He didn’t feel totally well that morning, but he went ahead and headed out. He never made it to that appointment, having a accident when almost there. Little did he/we know that he was already infected with this horrific thing that took him from us. It was later that day, after falling at home, that we had to call 911 and get him to the hospital… because SOMETHING was terribly wrong. That was on a Tuesday.
Then later that week, as I sat with him daily in the hospital, BEFORE they realized that he had this “deadly” infection…. we'd had so many great conversations. That day I asked him if he remembered that conversation that he and I had when I was a skinny teenager... when I told him that l loved his daughter, and that I'd never leave her. He just shook his head. I told him that day…. that the words I said all those years ago were the truth, and today... MORE THAN EVER... I meant that promise, and he wouldn't need to ever worry... because now, even more than then... she and I will always survive, till the end of time.
Papa Fred spent almost 39 years on the railroad and although being retired for decades now, he has always kept in touch with his old railroad buddies, and of course attends as many reunions as possible. Those guys (you guys) are a tight knit family indeed. And in THAT circle, he is somewhat famous... famous for being the only guy they ever knew, that NEVER said a curse word, EVER.
All those 38+ years… he was moving at the speed of Fred… he was “getting it done”.
That's my Papa Fred!
He'd say, "Well shucks" and someone would figure he was frustrated. Then he might say "Darn it", which by that time meant you'd done something serious, and you better get your act together. Then once in a blue moon... when you REALLY stepped in it, and perhaps things were FUBAR'd all over the place, ol' Fred would say "Well Gosh Darn it!"... and brother.... that was, to this group of rough and tumble guys... the equivalent of having half the sailors in the 5th fleet all open up on you at once. Because I gotta' tell ya'... if you EVER heard him say "Gosh Darn It!", you better either run, or start apologizing... like in a HURRY.
I hate that he had to go so quickly.
But he was “Moving at the speed of Fred…. getting it done”.
It just makes it hurt so much more than any of us were prepared for.
OTOH... I'm glad he didn't have to suffer endlessly.
If there is any sort of shining light at the end of this darkness (for Deb and I at least), it’s that the legacy of his 1930 Ford Model A will live on. I was there that day when he brought it home in 1976 (the year before we were married). He made several trips to the ol’ barn where it’d been sitting for 40 years, swapping out tires, changing oil and fluids, plugs, new gas, a new battery… and actually DROVE it home!
He was “getting it done”.
Then over the next 5 years or so…. in his spare time, he did a full nut and bolt restoration. Every nut, bolt, washer, even bushings inside the transmission and steering sector were replaced. There isn’t one single piece that his hands haven’t touched.
The fenders were taken one or two at a time to a guy he found down in Jackson. Whatever he could fit in his pickup… he hauled down there, piece by piece. Then one day we helped him lift the body onto his little trailer, and off it went.
He was “getting it done”… at the Speed of Fred.
Eventually all the pieces were fitted back together, and boy was that a proud day for Fred. Back then it was just Pop, or Fred…. Because we didn’t have any grandkids for him till the summer of 88. But from that point forward…. Papa Fred it was.
That of course wasn’t his only hobby… having for years enjoyed planting a garden. Year after year… fresh squash, okra, beautiful tomatoes, and “the dreaded green bean” is something that we all looked forward to. I’m going to miss my ‘mater’ sandwiches!
Then after he retired, he built a shop out back, and started doing woodworking, which many of you all are familiar with.
He’s built everything from tops, to toys, from tables and chairs for kids (that have since been passed down to grandkids)… to very intricate scroll saw pieces. Everything you saw today… they were all built by our Papa Fred.
He even managed to lose the tip of a finger to the table saw one afternoon… that just slowed him down a bit, but it didn’t dampen his enthusiasm for his newfound hobby. Folks would call him and commission special pieces, just from knowing his work.
The framed 23rd Psalms you saw today was my Mothers, and the VERY FIRST picture frame he’d ever built.
As always… moving at the Speed of Fred… getting it done.
If there was one thing that was his sunrise, and sunset…
Back in those early years it was the railroad.
He never got in a hurry, but was always prepared…
Never got flustered, always moving at the Speed of Fred, always getting it done.
I’d walk into the house, he’d be on call, his bag would be ready, sitting by the front door. Phone might ring then, or 10 hours later… Fred would “get it done”.
Then after the railroad….
The one *singular* thing …. that was his sunrise and sunset was his grandchildren, (four names omitted)… didn’t matter how he felt, when they’d show up he’d be ready… and you’d hear him coming with a smile and “hey hey hey”.
Moving at the speed of Fred…. Getting it done!
If only we could all be the kind of man, our Papa Fred was. To be famous among men for being the most soft spoken one they’ve ever known.
We are all so lucky to have had him in our lives, and we will miss him dearly!
Just know…... that Wednesday afternoon just about 5-O’Clock…. he arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter looked at him and said what took you so long?
And OUR Papa Fred just looked at him like he’s looked at so many of us….....
He replied with “hey hey hey”… I was getting it done.
