Thanksgiving - what it really means (to me)

rms64

rms64

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Ok guys - I'm a little reluctant to do this but will post anyway, as I've realized lately that internalizing some things isn't healthy. Mods, if you feel this is inappropriate I have no issue with deleting at your discretion.

First, please understand that I am not posting to elicit pity but rather, just to disclose something to a community that in some ways is a "family" of people with common interests and just a plain great group. So here goes....

In 2009, I was a happily married man - my recent bride was a beautiful girl, full of life and shine. She brought two sons to our marriage, ages 9 and 16 when we said our vows who I considered to be my own after getting to know them well through a dating period of a couple of years.

What does this have to do with Thanksgiving, you ask?

On the Sunday following Thanksgiving that year - and I'll try to be brief - her youngest son was murdered at the hands of his older brother. A terrible, tragic event that has changed my life in ways that I still don't understand and probably never will. I will spare the details, but suffice to say that this was the beginning of the end of the shine in my wife's life (understandably as she effectively lost both sons in one horrible event) and the end of our marriage soon followed.

Fast forward to today and as Thanksgiving rolls around again, I struggle with finding things to be thankful for as I can't help but think about this terrible event - and then realize that there are so many things out there that I should be thankful for - my life, my beautiful daughter who is now 26 and a smart, funny, amazing "kid" that has brought me through life in so many ways without realizing it.

My point to all of you, and take this advice for what it's worth (because you got it for free) - this Thanksgiving make it about your families, friends, the people you love - not about half off on a TV, or an Xbox, or whatever. It is these people that are the reason to be thankful - hug them, tell them you love them, eat a ton of turkey and enjoy their presence..

Again, my apologies if this is out of place or off-putting. I know we all have our tragedies and struggles - but finding the bright spots every day should be the reason we get out of bed every morning.

Thanks for listening everyone....as I said this is therapy for me in a way - and happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you!

Best regards,

Rob
 
3 years this month I also experienced a devastating loss and I understand exactly what your saying. Can't imagine how I would have made it this far without my family and friends.
Sorry for your loss Rob.
As one of my dearest friends that has past on said
Life can be a little bit magic and a little bit tragic,
Cherish the Magic!

Happy thanksgiving !

Bob
 
Sorry to hear ROB, hope you can have a great thanksgiving and everything you said is very true:)
 
Hey Rob,
This forum is a place to call home, a family indeed.

After reading your story...I just wanted to say I was tearing up.

You Sir have a lot to be thank full for, and you are a big man to disclose this kind of info to a bunch of folks you really don't know....But yes we are Family!

I only hope you can enjoy your time with your family and really have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Rob I have been thru some things in my life that has brought on hard and miserable feelings....and without family and friends there is no way that I would have been able to work thru it.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family this holiday season........and Rob I'm a pm away if you need to bend an ear.
 
I am deeply sorry for your loss...life as we know is full of challenges, we only can only go forward....Gods Speed
 
Hey rms64(Rob) I am sorry to hear about your tragedy I too lost a family member cause of another family members wrong doing in Aug of 2009 but besides that you have a lots to be thankful for your life, what you achieved and more, and even though we are all connected by technology you have one large forever family here at Autogeek we are all geeks/family for life
Happy Thanksgiving my friend
 
Hey Rob, thank you for sharing and I'm so very sorry for loss. I agree with you wholeheartedly, family is everything - material stuff comes and goes. I do wish you a Happy Thanksgivings and Godspeed my friend....

Sincerely,

James
 
My heart and thoughts go out to you, Rob, Bob57 and Jamesboyy.

Rob, that must have been tough to write. Indeed, let's all find the bright spots! Thank you for your words and sharing them.

Ed
 
Rob, thanks for bringing this up. There is so much more to Thanksgiving than eating until you explode and shopping until your bank account runs dry.

Indeed Thanksgiving is all about sharing time with family and giving thanks for the things in life that we take for granted.

I will be there with you in spirit my friend.

Mike
 
Being early, my hand/brain combination don't always work correctly.

So, I'll just say...hang in there Rob and thank you for using "us" as your extended family.

Bill
 
Wow. My biggest fear in life, the loss of a child. My condolences.
Thanks for sharing your story. Nothing is more important than family


Mark
 
Hey guys thank you all very much for the incredibly kind words - you're all proving my point - that this community / family is a truly great thing beyond the incredible expertise shared here.

Never thought the above story would be a part of my life, but it is, and every year it gets just a little easier to really appreciate the good stuff.

Speaking of good stuff, I have a turkey to roast - may you all have a fantastic Thanksgiving!
 
Thank you for sharing...

I am truly THANKFUL and GRATEFUL.
 
Bob, that is an extremely tough pill to swallow. Linking tragedy to holidays can be brutal to ones mental well being. Feeling downward emotions while everyone else is on the up and up can be devastating to your well being.

You sir, you have much to be thankful for and you are much stronger than you could ever imagine. Sharing a story that has devastated you is a true symbol of courage and strength. As a veteran with PTSD from combat, it took many years for me to open up and tell anyone about what was swirling around in my mind from everyone I knew that didn't make it, to having survivors guilt, to suicidal thoughts to make my mind clear forever. Sharing and having someone willing to listen, those are very valuable to a person. I'm an open ear if you ever wish to speak. Just shoot me a PM. I never experienced what you have. I have experienced tremendous soul crushing losses on many occasions, I can relate.

Family is everything! Draw your strength from them


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
On this thanksgiving I wish you a great day. Enjoy your day and thanks for sharing. Perspective is the best teacher for all of us!

rms64 said:
Ok guys - I'm a little reluctant to do this but will post anyway, as I've realized lately that internalizing some things isn't healthy. Mods, if you feel this is inappropriate I have no issue with deleting at your discretion.

First, please understand that I am not posting to elicit pity but rather, just to disclose something to a community that in some ways is a "family" of people with common interests and just a plain great group. So here goes....

In 2009, I was a happily married man - my recent bride was a beautiful girl, full of life and shine. She brought two sons to our marriage, ages 9 and 16 when we said our vows who I considered to be my own after getting to know them well through a dating period of a couple of years.

What does this have to do with Thanksgiving, you ask?

On the Sunday following Thanksgiving that year - and I'll try to be brief - her youngest son was murdered at the hands of his older brother. A terrible, tragic event that has changed my life in ways that I still don't understand and probably never will. I will spare the details, but suffice to say that this was the beginning of the end of the shine in my wife's life (understandably as she effectively lost both sons in one horrible event) and the end of our marriage soon followed.

Fast forward to today and as Thanksgiving rolls around again, I struggle with finding things to be thankful for as I can't help but think about this terrible event - and then realize that there are so many things out there that I should be thankful for - my life, my beautiful daughter who is now 26 and a smart, funny, amazing "kid" that has brought me through life in so many ways without realizing it.

My point to all of you, and take this advice for what it's worth (because you got it for free) - this Thanksgiving make it about your families, friends, the people you love - not about half off on a TV, or an Xbox, or whatever. It is these people that are the reason to be thankful - hug them, tell them you love them, eat a ton of turkey and enjoy their presence..

Again, my apologies if this is out of place or off-putting. I know we all have our tragedies and struggles - but finding the bright spots every day should be the reason we get out of bed every morning.

Thanks for listening everyone....as I said this is therapy for me in a way - and happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you!

Best regards,

Rob
Click to expand...
 
I just can't imagine what this must have been like for you and your wife. Very few relationships can survive a loss of this magnitude.

Don't let the timing ruin the entire holiday season for you.

My Mother was diagnosed with lung cancer on Dec 24 and passed away shortly after. I have never been able to celebrate Christmas since. Decorations and trees just make it like we were just told by the Oncologist.

So I just make sure I don't let my trauma pour out onto my friends at that time of year.

Just believe that life does get better.
 
My dad was diagnosed with lung cancer July 24. A day before my birthday.
Passed away September 22.
 
Rob ,

So sorry to hear abut the tragic event you and your wife had to go through. hope you can make the best of Thanksgiving in your own way. reading the posts it appears others have had to deal with some tough situations and they can feel you pain. my Mom passed away a few months ago very suddenly . this is my first holiday without my Mom so I can appreciate the sadness and feeling off on a holiday. your mind likes to wander and I suppose that is normal. tough to control the emotions.
 
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