A Joke A Day

A penguin goes into a drug store and asks for a Chap Stick. The clerk says "that'll be a buck and a half". The penguin says "just put it on my bill....."

TL <think about it>
 
This thread is great! It could get fairly large if all the jokes stay appropriate and mods don't have to close it. Love the jokes!
 
TLMitchell said:
:ban:



If worst comes to worst Richy is probably good company.

TL
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I wasn't saying that anybody had posted inappropriate comments. Just hoping nobody does because I thought that it was against forums rules, at least that is what I thought. But knowing Autogeek members, they will keep this thread going.
 
rider9195 said:
I wasn't saying that anybody had posted inappropriate comments. Just hoping nobody does because I thought that it was against forums rules, at least that is what I thought. But knowing Autogeek members, they will keep this thread going.
Click to expand...

Didn't think you were commenting on anything in particular, I was just cracking wise.

AGO members are generally a wholesome-type group. At least on the Forum :D Well, except for that Flash guy... and I attribute that to hanging around with that Fred Smith. Hrumph... an alias if I ever heard one... :rolleyes:

TL <--- speaking of wise cracks...
 
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?

Cuz they taste funny!
 
Wife asks husband: "How many women have you slept with?"

Husband proudly replies: "Only you, Darling - With all of the others I was awake."
 
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn'tseem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls 911.

He gasps to the operator: My friend is dead! What can I do? The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: Take it easy. I can help. First lets make sure he is dead. There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, OK, now what?
 
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied: “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes said: “and what do you deduce from that?”

Watson replied: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life.”

And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.”
 
There was a captain sailing on the sea during a battle. His servant came up to him and the captain said, "Bring me my red shirt".

So, the servant did as the captain said.

After that the servant came up to the captain and said, "Why did you say bring me my red shirt?"

The captain said, "Well if i get shot they won't see the blood."

The next day the servant came up to the captain and said, "There are 50 ships on the horizon."

The captain said, "Bring me my brown pants."
 
Alright ive got another cheesy one today.....

2 muffins are baking in the oven, one muffin says "Man....its hot in here"
The second muffin says "holy crap a talkin muffin!!"

Duh duhm..tssshhh
 
Here's a cheesy one...

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."

The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"

One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.”

The nurse asks, "Why?"

He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

:)​
 
John and dave decide to go on an desert safari on camel back, so they book their trip and pack their things, its a month long trek so they pack a TON of stuff, well when they get to the stables to pick up the camel there is only one left but the stable manager tells rhem hes a very strong animal and can carry them both, so they load up all of the stuff they brought.... clothes...tents....hiking gear....cookware...four HUGE satchels of stuff... they get on the camel and take off on the trek, after traveling for 10 hours or so they decide to stop amd setup camp for the night and get some sleep, well when they woke up in the morning a whole caravan moved in... there must have been 100 camels and just as many tents John says "Dave how are we going to find our camel to leave now?!" Dave says "dont worry, just pack up the tent ill find the camel" so John watches Dave walk behind every camel, lift its tail, then move to the next one..... well Dave comes back with no camel.... John asks " what the hell were you doing lifting every camels tail... what was that supposed to tell you??".. Dave snaps back, "dont you remember when we were leaving town, everyone was saying Look at those two a$$holes on the camel?!?"
 
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