Bacon
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- Oct 7, 2011
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Alpaca the trunk, you pack the suitcase. or Alpaca the picnic basket.
http://www.best-knock-knock-jokes.com/
http://www.best-knock-knock-jokes.com/
A Joke A Day
- Thread starter Bigpat
- Start date
Flash Gordon
Well-known member
- Feb 6, 2010
- 11,450
- 459
Yo mama so fat the back of her neck looks like a pak of ball park franks
Ted S.
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- Feb 10, 2011
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Let's see if I can remember this one:
There was an Irishman and a Mormon seated next to each other on a plane to England. The hostess approaches the men to take their drink orders. She asks the Irishman and he replies "I'll have a Whisky."
She promptly brings the Irishman his drink, and the Mormon replies appalled, "I’d rather be savagely defiled by a dozen whores then let that evil liquor touch my lips."
After hearing the Mormon the Irishman hands his Whisky back to the hostess and says "Me too, I didn't know that was a choice."
There was an Irishman and a Mormon seated next to each other on a plane to England. The hostess approaches the men to take their drink orders. She asks the Irishman and he replies "I'll have a Whisky."
She promptly brings the Irishman his drink, and the Mormon replies appalled, "I’d rather be savagely defiled by a dozen whores then let that evil liquor touch my lips."
After hearing the Mormon the Irishman hands his Whisky back to the hostess and says "Me too, I didn't know that was a choice."
Bacon
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- Oct 7, 2011
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please, you are
becoming the joke of the day.
Yo Mama Jokes Galore - The Best Yo Momma Jokes on The Web!
ok...back to the original joke!
becoming the joke of the day.
Yo Mama Jokes Galore - The Best Yo Momma Jokes on The Web!
ok...back to the original joke!
Paul Mitchell
New member
- Nov 6, 2008
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My apologies in advance to any lawyers in the crowd. Maybe I need a disclaimer blaming these jokes on somebody else.
Q. What do you need when you find a lawyer on the beach buried up to his neck in sand?
A. More sand!
Q. What do you have when you find ten lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start!
Q. What do you need when you find a lawyer on the beach buried up to his neck in sand?
A. More sand!
Q. What do you have when you find ten lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start!
Shane731
Active member
- Dec 25, 2009
- 3,498
- 0
That reminds me of another lawyer joke:
Q: What's the difference between a deer in the middle of the road and a lawyer in the middle of the road?
A: You try to avoid the deer.
Bacon
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timaishu
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- Sep 12, 2010
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Wow! I didn't know you knew how to yodel!
Knock knock...
:laughing: I didnt get it till I read it out loud.
Flash Gordon
Well-known member
- Feb 6, 2010
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time_to_shine
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- Nov 25, 2011
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My Favorite Animal
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because
everyone else laughed.
... My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my
favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was
probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork
and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do
it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was
because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not
to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher
doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire
most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because
everyone else laughed.
... My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my
favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was
probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork
and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do
it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was
because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not
to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher
doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire
most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...
sharpcard
New member
- Aug 14, 2010
- 68
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I need some advice on what could be a life changing decision. I've suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs. Phone rings, I answer, someone hangs up.
She started going out 'with the girls from work a lot recently although when I ask which girl it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".
I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the driveway and I can hear a car driving off like she got out of the car round the corner. Why?
The other day I picked her cellphone just to see what time it was, she went ballistic and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her?
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her.
I decided I was going to hide behind my Expedition which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see what kind of car she gets out of.
It was while I sat crouched behind my Expy that I noticed the rear hatch has some micro-marring all around the rear windshield wiper. You would never notice it unless you were sitting at just the right angle. What sucks is I just applied Opti-Coat 2.0 last weekend. So would it be better to use Griot's Paint Prep or IPA to remove the O-C 2.0 so that I can polish that area again?
She started going out 'with the girls from work a lot recently although when I ask which girl it is always "Just some friends from work, you don't know them".
I always look out for her taxi coming home but she always walks down the driveway and I can hear a car driving off like she got out of the car round the corner. Why?
The other day I picked her cellphone just to see what time it was, she went ballistic and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her?
Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth but last night she went out again and I decided to check on her.
I decided I was going to hide behind my Expedition which would give me a view of the whole street so I could see what kind of car she gets out of.
It was while I sat crouched behind my Expy that I noticed the rear hatch has some micro-marring all around the rear windshield wiper. You would never notice it unless you were sitting at just the right angle. What sucks is I just applied Opti-Coat 2.0 last weekend. So would it be better to use Griot's Paint Prep or IPA to remove the O-C 2.0 so that I can polish that area again?
TLMitchell
New member
- Oct 1, 2008
- 1,341
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I've crossed paths with those that simply can't tell a joke, can't say I know anyone that can't hear one...
A dippy girl I know tried to retell the penguin put-the-Chapstick-on-my-bill joke and when she gets to the punchline she says "put it on my beak" while laughing uproariously. It goes without saying she was the only one laughing and couldn't figure out why no one else got it.
TL <----- Chapstick on my beak