Been struggling guys

Jeremy1976 said:
This time of the year is hard for me. My dad who was a USMC Vietnam Combat Veteran and recipient of 3 Purple Hearts, took his life March 19th 2010. Coming up on 7 years this year. The pain doesn't seem to get any easier.

Everytime this year I relive the last couple of weeks and days of his life. Some of the hardest I ever lived. His first suicide attempt was when I was 11. He called me and told me he was taking his life because of me. I carried that around for many years. At one point it was consuming me. I realized my dad was sick and let that demon go.

His fourth and final attempt was successful where he shot himself in a shed in my parents backyard. He struggled terribly with PTSD and other mental illness.

I grew up that day at age 11 and my childhood ended at that time. I took it upon myself to be the man of the house and take care of my mom and sister. He was institutionalized in a VA hospital for 8 months after that attempt.

Sorry if this is pretty deep for the forum guys. I just needed a place to put my emotions. My head is a mess and I am focusing on my beautiful kids and wife to get me through. They are my light and hope.

I think of a lot of you as brothers and family. Even though we have not met in person. Thanks for reading and keep my family and myself in your prayers. It's always hard for me to ask for help. I'm not built that way.

Thanks.
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Hey sorry to hear that and obviously you survived.kinda going through a rough situation here but nothing as nearly bad as that.my wife and I have been together since we were 16 and now we are in our early 40 she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.They gave her a year back in 13.Now the pain and suffering has begun for her and me,been living with this every minute of everyday for the past couple of years.But I always remind myself someone has gone through a worse tragedy in life than me.I understand what it's like for you and it's tough but you will get through it.you get one life so make the best of it and it's short.I will sit and watch my wife degrade fast and there is nothing I can do but make her as comfortable as possible.I have a daughter and you have a son.Take that negative energy or feeling and void it out for the moment cherishing them.
 
Sorry for your loss.
It's very healthy that you're venting, or communicating about this. This type of "letting it out" will only serve to help you.
Keep your chin up, and keep focused on your future and beautiful family.
Don't allow negative thoughts to consume you - recognize your triggers, and have a plan. Meaning, if you start getting those feelings and thoughts, say to yourself something like "OK, this is going downhill. Time to start X". Then, "X" will be some type of distraction, or activity that's mentally consuming. Hit a paddleball for 20 minutes, play solitaire, do math problems with your kids, something/ANYTHING to move your attention away from dreadful thoughts.

Perhaps plan a family trip, or something stimulating for this time of year (next year) as a means to actively divert your attention. A trip with your family to a fancy hotel, or a weekend at a theme park.

Playing an active roll in your own mental health is they key to recovery. Take the reigns my friend, you've got this.
 
Thanks, Jeremy. Your experiences give us all - at least me - who haven't had to experience such tragedy a renewed grasp on how fortunate we really are.

My father is a Viet Nam vet and I took care of a lot of them at the VA. Those who don't serve or know those who serve have no idea what the struggles are.

Thanks for sharing.

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Jeremy, as others have stated it takes a lot of courage to post on a forum, however, I could think of no better place to come too, a brotherhood and sisterhood that sincerely helps one another. Our hearts and prayers are with you as you go through this tough time. Your family is there for you, and your extended detailing family is here for you. Please know that we hold a special place for you and your family in our hearts from here on, and keep you in our thoughts and prayers. Do not hesitate to to reach out... we're here brother.
 
My father had a sort-of similar incident with his father towards the end. My grandfather was in the hospital with severe lung issues and was terminal. That being said, he wasn't getting enough oxygen to his brain and was pretty "out of it." My dad went to visit him and was told by my grandfather that: "The next time he came, a REAL MAN would bring his gun and do what needs to be done."

Needless to say, that shook my father to the core. He ended up seeing a therapist and going on meds due to that. My own father ( a prostate cancer survivor) once mentioned that if his cancer ever came back, he was tempted to just let it "run it's course." Needless to say that affected me.

PTSD and depression are no joke, and you can only help a person who WANTS to be helped. Their actions do not define or say anything about you, it's the internal demons speaking and those are very hard to overcome if the person is depressed enough.

Sounds like for an 11 year old, you stepped up admirably. Be proud of your accomplishments and remember your dad, not for what he did, but for who he was.
 
I'm glad you are able to help others with preventing suicide and helping those who have lost someone to suicide. You are a good man.

Detailing helps me deal with stress as well, seems to be a common trend on AGO. I seem to check out/turn off from everything that is bothering me.

Golf does the same thing, but usually causes some stress too, damn double/triple bogeys!
 
GSKR said:
Hey sorry to hear that and obviously you survived.kinda going through a rough situation here but nothing as nearly bad as that.my wife and I have been together since we were 16 and now we are in our early 40 she was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.They gave her a year back in 13.Now the pain and suffering has begun for her and me,been living with this every minute of everyday for the past couple of years.But I always remind myself someone has gone through a worse tragedy in life than me.I understand what it's like for you and it's tough but you will get through it.you get one life so make the best of it and it's short.I will sit and watch my wife degrade fast and there is nothing I can do but make her as comfortable as possible.I have a daughter and you have a son.Take that negative energy or feeling and void it out for the moment cherishing them.
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Very sorry my man. I couldn't imagine. Stay strong and lean on me and the others here if you need it!
 
Hang in there brother. Lean on your faith. Remember God always works it out for us. I've never met you but believe me, it's not because of you at all. As you get older and spend more time in your thoughts with this you will get wiser and grow stronger.
 
I’m also a Marine and a Vietnam combat vet 1968-69. Got there in time for
Tet. I was very near your father’s area in the Icorps. My rear was in Dong Ha
about 7 miles from the DMZ. So sorry for your loss. I will pray for you.

Jim
 
Jeremy, i am so sorry to hear about what you have wrestled with and continue with annually this time of year. I can't really say or add too much more than the other heartfelt thoughts that have been expressed. Your courage and strength is amazing and I like the super hero analogy above. I couldn't agree more with that as you are a super hero for your family. Stay strong and feel the genuine concern and compassion from all of us here.
 
Jeremy I'd like to say I know what you're going through so that I can relate with you. There's something very therapeutic about identifying with others particularly in something that is so painful.
This time of year is tough for me as well because my father committed suicide on April Fool's Day. My entire family goes through a difference this time of year. The important thing is to get together and share feelings no matter how much you might think sharing feelings will not help.
I am currently sitting in a VA hospital right now because I need help coping with emotions. I am learning new ways to cope.
I am surprised how much better I feel when I talk with other veterans, so I encourage you to reach out. You Are Not Alone no matter how alone you might feel.
 
Its great you could step up to the plate and help your mother and sister.I SALUTE you man....
 
You should be proud of your dad and extremely proud of how you handled a horrible situation, especially at 11 years old. What is impressive is how you took all that hurt and channeled it to help others, that is a real HERO!! God only gives you what you can handle, but he makes you question things from time to time. I have never met you, but know based on the courage it took to share this post, you are a stand up guy and an inspiration to all. Take care of yourself and that wonderful family and remember to reach out to us geeks for anything at all.
 
Wow Jeremy that is quite a load for you to bear. Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. Most of us find it difficult to relate to your situation, but based on the number of replies, you know we care. You have requested our prayers, and I am complying. I pray that you know God, trust in Him, and rely on the strength only He can provide. Feel free to PM if you want to talk.
 
Thank you all for the support and kind words.

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Posting this tradedgy must be important to you.
1. Are you getting help? Professional help. It's important
2. Write a letter to your father , express yourself emotionally. If he has a grave site go their and read it aloud. Then offer it to him by burning the letter and disposing the ashes.
3. How about a detail day just for veterans. I have one every Wednesday. The veterans will respect you for it.
4. The apple does not fall far from your tree.
5. The most important thing I can offer is #1.
 
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